Beautiful Mess

Some days I feel like my purpose is the smallest of strings that I am grasping to hold onto. When I don’t have the right words, or even when I do have the right words but there for other people. When all I really want is someone around me to look me in the eyes and tell me what they see in me, what they see over my life, what God is saying to them about me.

Some day, is today.

Today I sat in my car driving home from an awesome night of sitting and listening to his voice with a group of super legit women. Women who care about what he has to say, where he’s leading, and what it looks like to follow. Most times it has been refreshing. I mean heck even tonight was in a lot of ways.

I know who I am when I speak his words. I can see his spirit fall, and love rest into the tiniest of crevices that we never let him into, until we do. I was made to speak. To let out the words and revelations that flood my spirit. It’s a release that, not only confirms stuff for other people, but confirms in me, who I was made to be. The weight of what I carry and my purpose.

These last two months, have been the most incredible mix of messiness and beauty melded together. I seldom find one without the other. It’s what I love most about life, that it’s intertwined with more then we could possibly imagine. Joy isn’t just joy, it’s overcoming, it’s choosing, it’s fighting past obstacles, it’s messy, it’s beautiful. I love that it’s not just one thing.

Tonight my Joy was two fold. I spoke what I heard, I released and followed, and saw restoration and renewal come to the women who sat in the room with me. Not from what I said but from what he spoke to us all, and yet I left wanting. When I left I realized a huge thing about me, I come alive when I give, when I pour out but there are times when I so desperately just need to receive. To sit and rest and be known. To speak yes, but to listen to what others see in me.

I’m a pretty confident person, who trusts who I am and walks in it, but sometimes you just need someone to say; I see you.  Tonight I’m realizing that’s what I need.

So throwing my fear of neediness out the window, if you are reading this I would love to hear what the Lord is saying to you about me, or what you see over my life.  Cause I mean who doesn't want to hear all that goodness right? I have been in such a good place of resting and trusting and sometimes it's just so good to hear echoes of confirmation, love, peace and life flow from another.