This can't be real.

I've been back in the states for approximately 12 days.
Yep that's right, just under 2 weeks.                                                      
What are most people doing now that there back?
 Well people are sitting in their house with their pack lying open on their floor, living as if their still on the race.
Wearing the same outfits repeatedly, for no other reason then that's what were used to now.
Not showering, because if we could do it in the sweltering heat while sweating profusely, then we can absolutely do it when we are in the cold and not sweating at all.
Who needs showers anyways?
Oh thats right. Americans
and where are we now?
America.
I see the dilemma.
Most people are reveling in the fact that they can sit on the toilet flush toilet paper and drink water straight out of the tap.
Slowly but surely my fellow V-squaders are adjusting back to american life.
and I mean s.l.o.w.l.y.
Most people took a flight home right after or a few days after we flew home and took time to sit and get adjusted to life outside the life we got so used to living.
Knowing that they need to reincorporate back into society and eventually be able to get a real job and live life in America as they always have.

I love my squad mates and how they are reincorporating, and man I wish I would have done the same thing.
Instead I took a different root.
What did I do as soon as I got to America?

Well I went on vacation.
Great plan?
Wrong.
I had no idea how exhausted I would be.
Staying awake was literally torture.
Being back in America hit me hard.
Not being around the people that just 4 days before drove me nuts was so strange.
I wanted people there to get on my nerves and call me on my crap.
but real life had started and the dispersed, and there I was alone with my family.
Not talking, not processing, not being myself.
I felt completely disconnected while trying to enjoy everything going on around me.
but instead it just felt like the world was swirling around me and I was standing still caught in limbo.
Going on vacation with your family immediately after coming off of a year long mission trip is NOT the best idea I have ever had.
I jumped right back into America.
New clothes, dyed hair, showers, curling irons, straighteners, nice shoes, JEANS.
The whole 9.
And by the end of my 9 day trip I was exhausted.
I wanted to hibernate forever.
Did I go home and do just that?
No.
Once I was here I was ready to go.
I never gave myself time to just relax and be.
Instead I signed up and got accepted to lead a trip for four months in 6 short weeks.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Sometimes I wonder that myself.
But
I know where I'm supposed to be.
and I can say one thing for certain.
I will NOT be making any vacation plans for when I come back from leading my trip.
It will be straight out of my pack living when I hit the ground in may
while sleeping my jet lag away at insane hours, and giving myself to process what the previous 16 months of my life have held.

So here we go again, it's time to hit the ground running, African style.
on second thought maybe i'll take a couple days to rest before I head out
so i dont burn out
yep, good plan.