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I'm Processing. 

I wish I could say it's a nice neat, packaged deal that leaves me with complete clarity at the end of the process but well that's simply not true. 

Processing 

It's messy

It involves tears and mild break downs

It forces us to face the reality of things rather then manufacturing the things we want to believe while completely ignoring whats right in front of our eyes. 

Clement Park: Littleton, Co

I'm facing reality. That coming back to America is hard for me. I have left behind 3 entirely different communities that I have been involved in within the last 2 years and returned to none. 

My life has moved on past this place. The people I knew are no longer here, the friendships I had have been separated by more then just the miles that have distanced us. 

I'm tired of starting over. Over, and over and over again. Since the day I left high school and moved away to college I have been on a process of figuring out where I belong, what I am doing and where I am going. It has involved new faces and locations but the same process each time. 

Being here, I see the blank start. The fact that I am going to have to put myself out there and begin again. That it's not going to be easy, and in order to reach it I'm going to have to work at it. To be honest I don't want to put in the work, for once I want to just jump into a community that already knows my heart and personality and that I don't have to wait that inevitable period of time where they figure it out, or where I figure them out. Yet, I'm not willing to live without it. 

Being back has been exactly what I needed and all that I have dreaded. I'm still processing, I don't know what the final outcome will be. The one thing I know is that  I'm willing to fight to be surrounded by the people whose hearts beat for the same things mine do......

It might just be time to reunite the red tent after all. 

Photo credit : Things we Don't talk about; voices from the red tent